Before finding our current home church, Alex and I grew up in church our whole lives. As a pastor's kid, Alex was known by all and I'm sure came under Church scrutiny. As new believers, my parents found Christ and their home church before having children, and I have never known a day without the Lord. But this also brought on a generational aspect to everything I did at church. As I aged up and into adult ministries, people would look at me with vague recognition and ask if they knew me. I would tell them my maiden name and then they would exclaim, "Oh! Of course, you are Donald and Connie's daughter." We were always known by whose children we were, or what family we came from.
After 30 years in the church of my childhood and the church where we met, we sensed God moving us on to something else. Coming to our current home church was like a breath of fresh air. We were just "Alex and Sarah." But what that also means, is that we had lived a lifetime alongside people with whom we no longer see on a regular basis. So, there were some losses to be had, and some new history to be made with people at our new church. That being said, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but there are inevitably gaps in history when you don't know a lot about what a person has been through.
In 2008, Alex got laid off during the housing crisis. Having worked for the mortgage company for fourteen years, he saw the handwriting on the wall and was not taken by surprise when it happened. The severance we received was more than generous, and the timing was not altogether inconvenient. You see, I was pregnant with our second baby. In a lot of ways, I felt like a fraud of a mother in the years to come when people asked me how the transition from one to two babies was precisely because of the fact that there were two parents at home when we added a second child to our family. Having a one-to-one ratio eased the burden in so many ways.
Alex eventually did find work, and that job proved to be a huge blessing in our lives. There were times that were challenging and of course times that felt overwhelming for him with the scope of his job. But there were other times where he was pinching himself and saying, "I can't believe I get to work here." There was even a stretch of time where he traveled quite a bit both domestically and abroad. The experiences he got in his various roles were invaluable. Over the next fourteen years, he would come to learn a whole new language indigenous to the I.T. world, and become adept in problem solving in both the interest of his team, and for the customer's they supported.
A few weeks ago, I was telling our dear pastor's wife about how this was not our first time to be laid off in a company wide downsizing. I mentioned how last time, we didn't do that great because Alex went into a sort of depression. I was filled with worry and anxiety. I was often tense and on edge. This resulted in tension in our home. We often snipped at each other and had unmet expectations of what home life should look like with two parents at home with small children. She astutely asserted, "Well, isn't that great that you guys get a do over!" It made me laugh as I nodded in agreement. We indeed have gotten to do over the things that we got wrong last time. Our children are older now and that helps ease the burden in many ways. And we truly have felt peace in our hearts and peace in our home during this time. It's been nothing short of miraculous.
But I got to thinking about all the ways our church now has surprised me... in a good way. You see in January of 2022 Alex had an incident which hasn't quite medically been explained. But initially was deemed a mini stroke or TIA. He was in the middle of a meeting with his boss when we lost track of names and couldn't type English words to save his life. It was then that he realized or more like panicked that he was losing his faculties. He was having trouble coming up with family members' names ("Whose that guy married to your sister?"), and decided to lie down. This didn't really help, so he started praying. That by far was the single thing that calmed his mind and returned him to normalcy.
As Providence would have it, we happened to mention this incident that evening to my in-laws on the phone and they were the ones who told us what had happened (it happened like that to my brother-in-law 20 years earlier when we suffered from a stroke). We called a friend who is a neurologist that same night and he said we should see a physician first thing in the morning. So, the next 48 hours propelled us into getting all kinds of testing done from MRI to Echocardiogram to EKG to bloodwork. In the meaantime we asked for prayer from friends including telling a Deacon, a church staff member, and our community group leader.
As the days wore on waiting for our results, we felt so loved by offers of meals and friends asking if we needed errands run, kids watched, or even laundry done. But the oddest part of that was not a single one of those offers came from our church friends. A church we had been a part of (and even formerly on staff) since January 2011.
Later that same week, I had to run up to church for something. As I passed one of the pastors, he cheerfully greeted me in the parking lot in a nonchalant manner and when he asked how we were, I decided to tell him. The fact that he was surprised by our news left me dumbfounded. I made my way into the church and crossed paths with our Shepherding Elder (someone assigned over our family) and he also had no idea about Alex's health scare. After emerging from the pandemic, we already felt isolated and lonely. To say we felt like outliers in almost every category would be an understatement. This incident and the ensuing conversations where the burden was on us to communicate seemed to be further proof that we did not have people we were doing life with in the way we had at our former church. Suffice it to say that we were left wondering how to cultivate the same sense of community we had had at our last church.
As these eight months have continued to stretch out with no end seemingly in sight, I have thought back to thoughtful phone calls, texts, and email I have received. I have recalled hugs, surprise gift cards, and money. I have been humbled by the scholarship money we have needed to participate in church events and the for those needs to be met. In a church of almost 1,000 people, we have somehow connected with our new pastor and his wife in a way that has made us feel so loved and cared for. And for all these little blessings, I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude. It's almost too much for me take in all at once.
As my mind and heart have truly cherished these unepexcted gifts, that's when it hit me. Maybe this wasn't just a do over for us, but maybe it was a do over for our church. God gave our church community a second chance to get it right. He allowed us to be in a place of neediness to receive the gifts of his people. He hasn't alleviated our circumstances, but instead he has used his people to bear our burdens with us. How kind is our God that he doesn't give up on us or our friends or loved ones? How merciful that he gives us (and others) opportunities to learn and grow. The sancitification process isn't necessarily easy, but it is one that is necesary.
I am so thankful that God prepares us, the church, his bride until the day we reach perfection. I love the hymn, The Church's One Foundation:
The church's one foundation
Is Jesus Christ her Lord,
She is His new creation
By water and the Word.
From heaven He came and sought her
To be His holy bride;
With His own blood He bought her,
And for her life He died.
We're still sitting in the middle of this story as it unfolds. Us needy beggars pointing the way to Jesus, to humble reliance, and to gratitude as we wait on his timing and provision. And his church coming alongside us lifting us up in prayer, encouraging our hearts with truth from his word, and literally being the hands and feet of Jesus. He always uses our story for his glory. I can't wait to see what God's got in store, but I'm sure it has to be good.